Lakers-Heat Game (+20 pts)

While in LA, I went to a Lakers-Heat game because, well, I don't feel like I really need to defend that decision. It was awesome. Why would you not want to go to a Lakers-Heat game at the Staples Center? LeBron was a lot smaller than he looks on TV, but now that I think about it, distance and perspective may have played a role in that...

Cumulative Score:
Los Angeles, CA = +33 pts

In-N-Out (+37 pts)

In-N-Out is amazing and I love it. That is all.

Cumulative Score:
Los Angeles, CA = +13 pts

Piss Poor Urinal Spacing (-24 pts)

Let me begin by saying that I'm a big fan of modern bathrooms. They beat outhouses 10 times out of 10. But if you're going to build one, then do it right. You need real paper towels, not glorified fans. Motion-activated soap and faucets are always nice because they help cut down on the number of foreign genitalia that must be vicariously touched. But above all else, make sure the urinals are well spread out (I'm looking at you LAX men's restroom). There has never been a time in my life when I said to myself, "Hey handsome, I'd really like to go to the restroom and rub shoulders with the men on either side of me." Yes, I call myself handsome in my internal dialogues. Keeps morale up.

Cumulative Score:

Los Angeles, CA = -24 pts

Rangers Ballpark in Arlington (+22 pts)

On Wednesday night, I drove down to Arlington to take in a game at the creatively named "Rangers Ballpark in Arlington". The stadium was really nice, but I compare ballparks to Turner Field, so anything that doesn't have a Toon Town seems nice to me. I sat behind home plate about 40 rows up and it was Dollar Hot Dog night, which is worth about 18 of these 22 points by itself. My boy Jermaine* hooked me up with some free sauerkraut to top off my dogs. The Rangers got drilled because they slow clapped in the top of the 1st (note: slow clapping never works), but it was still a great experience.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. And because I don't know his name.

Cumulative Score:
Plano, TX = +33 pts

Elevated Fire Danger (-10 pts)

I was watching the local news in Plano tonight and the weather report included an "Elevated Fire Danger" for the next few days. They had a little icon for it and everything. Instead of a smiling sun wearing shades or a sad cloud with a few falling raindrops, there was an actual fireball on top of Plano. That's right Plano, you lose points because your weather icons are bad guys from the old Donkey Kong arcade game. Next week there will probably be an "Elevated Barrel Danger". Better take my giant hammer to work.

Cumulative Score:
Plano, TX = +11 pts

Matthew McConaughey radio ads (+14 pts)

I knew Matthew McConaughey was from Texas and that they love him out here, but I didn't know that he did radio ads. I've heard three since I've been out here and they're awesome. I don't even remember what product he was advertising, but I still want one. And you can just tell from his voice that his shirt is off while he's doing the ads.

Cumulative Score:
Plano, TX = +21 pts

Another Harmonica Guy (+7 pts)

Hopped off the plane and was waiting on the rental car shuttle when I heard a guy rockin' out on a harmonica. The harmonica is my third favorite instrument behind the piano and the saxophone, both of which are significantly harder to travel with. Apparently this is a common occurrence at airports. Who knew? And yes, I realize that Boston only got 5 points for its harmonica guy, but these are arbitrary scores after all. Calm down.

Cumulative Score:

Plano, TX = +7 pts